topherchris is an internet enthusiast

regarding males, and what have you

Sara asked:

i’ve wondered how men felt about the female body; if you see a naked woman, what is the first thing that you think of? “oh, gross, fat” or “awesome, boobs” are the two thoughts i would imagine would come up, but i would rather get some direct opinions on the matter.

First thing that I think of when I see a naked woman… It all depends on the context.

• When I’m out walking my dog in the morning, it’s “holy shit I live in a weird neighborhood.”
• When I’m by myself but still somehow looking at a naked woman, it’s “let’s just get this over with.”
• When I’m about to get sexed up, it’s “this is really darn wonderful, and the next six hours are going to be quite amazing.”

Anyway, despite the appearance of being a jackass, there’s a serious undertone to what I’m saying. I don’t ever think of things I’d call “tangible” thoughts such as your two examples. Certainly not anything remotely critical, nor any giddiness over a particular part. Those sound to me what a 13-year-old boy who found his first Hustler magazine would be breathlessly snickering to his friends. Maybe some men never grow out of that. I’m guessing this is true, but now I’m sounding like a feminist again.

I think something roughly equivalent to “rock on.” It’s obviously much deeper than that, but it’s an abstract thought and there’s no way to express it in English. (Perhaps French? Je suppose que oui.)

Why should men think any differently than a woman in the opposite situation? Because we’re pigs, I know. (Sara didn’t say that. I’m saying it because it’s true.) We are pigs, and societies around the world objectify women — certain parts and shapes specifically — and some kind of model “standard” is held up as what we’re all supposed to want. I believe this hurts both men and women, but woman clearly much, much more.

On the other hand, sometimes I don’t really believe all this fancy talk about society telling us what we want. I stand by everything I just said, but I don’t read Vogue or Cosmo or whatever else it is. If I’m missing other outrageous examples, please let me know — but it does seem strange to me that women perpetuate at least a little of their own objectification by purchasing these things. My point is, I don’t feel particularly exposed to whatever the clichéd, mythic perfect body is supposed to be.

Still, we are pigs. That means many things that I won’t go into here, but suffice it to say that we’re a very visual species. We respond to stimuli in ways that we don’t even understand. I’m serious. It sounds like a cop-out to say “I can’t help it, I’m just hardwired that way,” but I’m pretty much saying it. I’m not saying that it’s okay to be an asshole. No, I’m not excusing anything behavioral — only the fact that when we see whatever it is that we like, our brains are flooded with lots of chemicals. Some guys can maintain appropriate behavior for the situation, and some can’t.

I hate to get all techno-hippie on your ass, but I think a great thing about the interweb is that it’s slowly killing off the idea that a woman (or even a man, for that matter) is supposed to look a certain way. This might sound perverse, but of course, literally everything is out there. Whether it’s porn, or dating sites, or forums, or whatever… If there’s a person who is comfortable with what they’re really attracted to, then they’ll find what they’re looking for.

Now I want to know what women think when they see a naked man.